Monday, August 15, 2011

Is this a descent first chapter?

I agree with Sapphire. Also you spelled decent descent in the question header. You sound formal and like you're not taking sides even though you're in first person. You need to show a lot more emotion. "However half way there, we hit something, my mom and dad died instantly," You sound really impartial and aren't showing any emotion, just adding an "It was horrible" would improve it a lot.

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